Trouble viewing? click here
October 2011 Newsletter
Smart Talk
Who is Audrey?

Media Blitz

He and She Wired: Emoticons

The term “emoticons”—short for “emotion icons”—refers to graphic signs, such as smiley faces :) and laughs out loud LOL, which often accompany computer communication. They are most often characterized as iconic indicators of emotion, conveyed through a communication channel that is parallel to the linguistic one.

And whatever you do, don’t use emoticons when sending e-mail to a man. Can you remember the last time you received an e-mail from a male colleague, co-worker, or client that had a smiley face emoticon?  In contrast, women in Internet Relay Chat channels incorporated three times as many representations of smiling and laughing emoticons than men (Herring, 2004). This is illustrative of women’s need to soften the message and build relationship.

In contrast, however, men used emoticons more often to express sarcasm or to banter. Wolf (2000) makes a point that males used smileys for the purpose of expressing sarcasm and teasing  more often than females do. In other words, when a man does employ emoticons it is a specific kind of emotional display.

Women will often use emoticons to soften the blow of negative feedback or mitigate a conflict. She may relay a criticism or point of contention but can soften the message by adding a smiley face: “Remember those stats were due yesterday. :).”  Additionally, for women the absence of an emoticon can indicate a lack of emotion and, in that, a lack of information, especially if the sender is another woman. The exclusion of the ubiquitous (auto-text) smiley face at the end of her message would be like wiping away the ever present female smile or punctuation of laughter at the end of a sentence. A word of warning for women: pay attention to when and to whom you send emoticons, especially at work. A smiley face emoticon in an e-mail to the boss may be interpreted as not taking your job seriously, impacting your credibility.

Excerpt from Audrey’s new book, The Gender Communication Handbook, Audrey Nelson PhD and Claire Damken Brown PhD (Wiley & Sons 2012).

Did you miss one of the
Smart Talk Columns?
Browse the archives of Audrey’s 2006 to date
Smart Talk Columns on her web!
Simply visit
and click on “Newsletters.”

Audrey Nelson PhD. is an international trainer, key-note speaker, consultant and author who works with organizations to increase their productivity and profitability through winning communication strategies.

You can reach Audrey at
or at 303.448.1800 O -  303-448-1801 F - 303.448.1802 C

wiley pfeiffer

Audrey signed a contract for her third book with Pfeiffer an imprint of Wiley & Sons, Inc
Working title: The Gender Communication Handbook due on bookstore shelves Spring of 2012. It will be a hardback professional book that will be the source on gender communication.


arrowUS Forest Service
What Were They Thinking?
October 17-21 2011
Northern California Locations

arrowFarm Credit Council Services
Victors without Victims:
Managing Conflict for a Positive Outcome

October 27, 2011
Orlando, FLA

arrowHigher Education Resources Services (HERS)
Code Switching: How to Talk so Men will Listen
October 28, 2011
Bridgewater State University, Massachusetts

arrowUS Forest Service
The Art of Conscious Communication
November 3, 2011
Missoula, MT

arrowFarm Credit Council
The Art of Conscious Communication
November 16, 2011
Spokane WA

Have you checked out Audrey’s blog?

He and She Wired - article

Stanford Hospital and Clinics - August 2011

audrey nelson

Audrey gave a keynote, Smart Talk, for the Executive Retreat for KMPG LLP. She is far right in the back row!

Audrey has been asked to be the guest expert on communication and Code Switching bi-monthly for FOX Denver KWGN.
September 2011
Nice Girls and Conflict
Everyday Talk Show CW2
KWGN-TV, Denver
Click here for segment
July 2011
The Generation Gap
Everyday Talk Show CW2
KWGN-TV, Denver
Click here for segmen
What People are saying about Audrey

Audrey, I just wanted to provide some feedback on the training you have provided our emerging leaders through the FCC Services LDP1 program.  Over time I have noticed a trend.  When past LDP1 participants refer to the most significant things they learned in that program – things that have made a significant impact on them professionally – your name comes up consistently!  Your training provides new insights and helps participants understand communication from different perspectives – things that inspire people to make changes that help them communicate more effectively.
So thank you for making a difference in our organization!

Jill Borgelt
Organizational Development & Learning Team
Farm Credit Services of America
Omaha, Nebraska 68137

First of all, thank you for a vey informative and entertaining class at Stanford. I attended the Victors without Victims Class and purchased the CD set and the two books. 
You are welcome to use my comments for your newsletter and I can add to them. Your class should be mandatory for everyone. You presented practical information that can be easily applied to anyone's work environment.
 Normally I don't like audience participation but this class was so much fun and you made us all feel so comfortable. I just wish it hadn't ended so soon. Looking forward to the next one and can't wait to read the books, especially to learn how to talk so my husband will listen! Now if that happens, then you can consider yourself a success!

Thanks again,
Peggy Allan
Vascular Access RN
Stanford Hospital and Clinics

Get your copy!

Code Switching: How to Talk so Men will Listen
Claire Brown Ph.D. and Audrey Nelson Ph.D.
Penguin Group-Alpha Books
ISBN 978-1-59257-926-6

Code Switching: How to Talk so Men will Listen is a hands-on tool for everyday use at the office. It is a practical resource with how-to steps to help businesswomen conquer the communication nuances between men and women in the workplace. This book explores the gender impact on business talk. It teaches using true stories and case studies, while providing valuable “code-switching” tips to help women gain and strengthen credibility and make a greater impact on the job

Code Switching Trailer Code Switching:
How to Talk so
Men will Listen -
book trailer

Click here to view
"Audrey's Top 4 CD Communication Hits"

To unsubscribe - click here