Earn the Right to Criticize and Take the Sting Out!

How do you earn the right to criticize? By building relationships and trust. When you have the foundation of a relationship built on mutual respect and trust, it is easier to knock on someone’s cube and say, “Got a minute, I need to talk.”  Here are some rules to follow:

1. I am always so surprised when someone in my audience says, “Geezz , why do people get so defensive when you give them negative feedback or criticism?” That is a no brainer! No one likes criticism; expect defensiveness. It is a normal, natural reaction! We all want approval and praise, defensiveness is a self protection behavior.

2. Have you made positive “deposits” in the person’s emotional bank account? If you have, then you are maximizing the ability for them to receive your criticism. A relationship built on mutual respect and the prior acknowledgement of “good” behavior and performance is a relationship more receptive to negative or critical feedback. Remember criticism no matter how benign, may cause some withdrawal on the part of the person being criticized.

3. Criticism can be judgmental and often involves labeling, lecturing and moralizing. The feedback should focus not on the person, but on concrete information about what the person can do to positively change their behavior. Remember, soft on the person, hard on the issue. Do not attack the person, attack the problem.

4. Remember the ration of positive feedback to negative. For every criticism you need to have made a “deposit” of 5 positive comments. It’s human nature to forget the positive and focus on the negative. We ALL do it. If I give you three pieces of feedback and one is negative, what will you remember most?

Saturday Oct 10 and Sunday October 11
Women’s EXPO
Come visit Audrey in her booth and hear her speak
Saturday 11 am Lifestyle Stage on Code Switching. Visit her at the Code switching booth

Saturday, October 24, 2009
Book Signing 12:00 noon 
Barnes & Noble 
9370 Sheridan - Westminster, CO 80030

October 26 Ketchican, Alaska
27th Sitka Alaska - 28th Juneau, Alaska
United States Forest Service
Your Generation or Mine

Code Switching: How to Talk so Men will Listen
Claire Brown Ph.D. and Audrey Nelson Ph.D.
Alpha Books, September 2009

Check out the new book website! - www.codeswitching.biz

Code Switching: How to Talk so Men will Listen is a hands-on tool for everyday use at the office. It is a practical resource with how-to steps to help businesswomen conquer the communication nuances between men and women in the workplace. This book explores the gender impact on business talk. It teaches using true stories and case studies, while providing valuable “code-switching” tips to help women gain and strengthen credibility and make a greater impact on the job

Summer Business Excellence Forum
Denver Metro Chamber
“Your Generation or Mine?”
Audrey received a 3.86 out of 4 for Knowledge of Subject

Audrey, I was able to begin your book today, and it is just fantastic! 
  It's like discovering a whole new very important world that I didn't really realize existed.  What has been so powerful for me is having been able to talk with you, see your website, hear your voicemail message, in addition to reading your book.  You embody the message in your book.  There is a consistent underlying message of "Listen to me," "I am worth listening to/It is
important for you to listen to me"  that I have never noticed before in the world.  So many more things make sense.

You have a message that is very important to get out, and I'm so glad you have written this book.  I'm looking forward to
reading more.

Thank you for writing this book!

Bernice German
Peak Achievement Math