October 2008 Newsletter
Audrey Nelson Ph.D. Inc

Smart Talk
"I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."
Quote from a toxic boss

At one point or another in your career, you will report to a manager, the person you call “boss”. The relationship you create and manage with your boss is critical for your work success and career progress. And, face it, whether you like it or not, you're in charge of your relationship with your boss.
So if you can’t stand your boss but can’t live without your job, join the club. Tara Weiss in Forbes cited survey research that claims 50 million (don’t you feel better already, you are not alone!) workers feel pressured to stay with bad bosses because of the current economic downturn. In my consulting work, I have heard accounts of all kinds of bad behavior and abuses of power from toxic bosses. Here are some tips:

1. Develop a “formula”. This is a strategy for coping. One employee in a BusinessWeek article said his strategy for handling his toxic boss was allotting time every morning to “cater to the boss’s needs” and to plan for the predictable temper tantrums. This helped provide a sense of control. Finally, he sent e-mails through out the day “catering to his pet peeves”.

2. It is important to “maintain a relationship” because when you do move on (internally or with a new organization) you will need a recommendation. My daughter still has an occasional lunch with her former toxic boss because she is listed on her resume and still depends on her for recommendations.

3. When your boss treats you disrespectfully in front others, don’t respond in kind. Rise above it. If you come back calm and centered, you are the real winner!

4. If the boss is incompetent, see it as an opportunity to gain more responsibility. Something you can put on the resume!

5. If the boss is a micro manager, provide updates until they tell you to stop!

Did you miss one of the
Smart Talk Columns?
Browse the archives of Audrey’s 2006-to date
Smart Talk Columns on her web! Simply visit
and click on “Newsletters.”
Audrey has been invited to be a guest columnist for the Daily Camera Women’s Magazine. Her column “Relationship Rx”
début was the September issue: “Why women think men don’t listen” p. 15.
Where in the world is Audrey
October 1
Westinghouse Electric Company
Pittsburgh, PA
Your Generation or Mine?

October 2
Boulder County
Boulder, CO
The Power of Positive Discipline

October 7
Farm Credit Council Service Loan Officer Training
Art of Conscious Communication
San Antonia, TX

October 9
Farm Credit Council Service
Leadership Development Program
Art of Conscious Communication
Broomfield, Co

October 10
Stanford Hospital
A Guide to Hands-On Communication in Everyday to Challenging Situations
Palo Alto, Ca

October 14
Northern Rockies American Society of Training and Development
Your Generation or Mine
Ft Collins, CO

October 15
Longmont Chamber
Go FISH! Power, Purpose and Responsibility

October 21
Farm Credit Council
Leadership Development Program
Victors without Victims
Phoenix, AZ

October 28
The Juggling Act: Putting it all together!
Atlanta, GA

October 29
Baird Holm LLP
He Speaks, She Speaks
Omaha, NE

What People are saying about Audrey

I enjoyed meeting you and speaking with you yesterday and I look forward to reading your articles! I have to share with you-yesterday when I went to my appointment I was waiting and started talking to the manager (a male). I had the magazine in my hand and he asked, "Can I please look at that?” I said "of course” He pointed to the cover and said "I want to read the article on why women think men don't listen"!!!!

Once again, it was great meeting you.

Thais Hater
Sales Consultant
Women's Magazine

Joint 16 LDP Session Evaluations Farm Credit council Services
The Art of Conscious Communication

  • Great - the best yet.
  • Thoroughly enjoyed this workshop.
  • Well prepared, good interaction and kept us involved.
  • Excellent.
  • One of the best communication workshops I have attended!
  • Audrey is amazing, grade A+, top of the class.
  • Good presenter! Enjoying. The more interaction, the better.
"Audrey's Top 4 CD Communication Hits"