Disarm and Move On
just attended our Western Speech Communication Association convention.
I sat in on the Top 4 Papers in Communication Theory panel. An excellent
paper was presented that addressed communication patterns in a hospice
setting among health care professionals. One of the patterns was
“one up”. It struck me how
people involved in any context from a death and dying situation
like hospice, the corporate boardroom or Monday morning staff meeting
employ this disruptive and uncooperative style.
do you do if someone is playing one up
with you? Here are some choices (you are the best judge for your
circumstance what choice/s will work):
Don’t feed it. Eliminate the tug of war.
them to explain their idea, opinion in more detail.
This allows you to get more insight and time to strategize. Sounds
like this: Bob, why do you think your plan will work? Don’t
say: Bob why do you think your plan will work better
the group (if there is one, if not, ask to solicit the
group at the next meeting or by email, etc). Turn to the group
and say: What do you think of Bob’s idea? This is risky.
The group could say: “We like his idea better”.
them for their input. Sounds like this: “Bob, I
appreciate your feedback on my plan and providing a different
what drives this behavior is typically a low self-esteem
and need for attention and recognition. Also know
that these people are transparent. The group typically knows what
they are doing and can see through their ploy. While the behavior
is a game and manipulative, does not mean you should be reactive.
Self regulate your emotions and response. It is not an attack on
you, but merely often their way of filling their empty cup.
for Audrey quoted in Denver Women’s
Magazine April 2008 issue “Communication Problems Between
Mothers and Daughters”
by Courtney Drake-McDonough.
Oliver Show - Dec 2007
"The Hillary Card: How The Gender Card
Will Play Out in the 2008 Election"
"He Speaks, She Speaks"
Click to hear interview
Person Essay: My Other Ex"
here to view article
in the World is Audrey?"
of Human Resource Managers (SHRM),
Go Home and Put on Some
Clothes: Has Casual Friday Gone Over the Top?
Thursday, March 6th
Antlers Hotel, Colorado Springs
(Exit #142 off I 25)
Registration: Angela Hamilton
The Power of
Boulder County Training Room,
Pearl St Mall Bldg
Registration: Joe Heard
Your Own Business for Health Care Professionals Conference
The First Five Seconds:
There is No Dress Rehearsal for a First Impression!
Wednesday, March 12th
Westin, Westminster, CO
States Forest Service
What Were They Thinking:
Prevention of Sexual Harassment
You Don’t Say
March 26th and 27th
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the archives of Audrey’s 2006-to date Smart Talk Columns
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and click on “Newsletters.”