THE PLAYGROUND AS BATTLEGROUND :
The Roots of How Men and
Women “Do” Conflict

....If you are a girl, the playground isn’t a bully pulpit. If you are a boy bully you are not only accepted, but among the more popular kids in school. Hang on a minute. Does this sound like a double standard? A study at Purdue University by child-development expert Laura Hess shows that a marked sex difference exists when it comes to styles of handling conflict as early as elementary school. According to Hess “…woe to the girl who is overly aggressive…Our research shows that girls who are disruptive and aggressive are at a much greater risk of being rejected by their peers than are their male counterparts.” Boys are indeed more aggressive than girls. Drive by an elementary school playground and observe the boys throwing each other on the ground, grabbing and hitting each other.
....What do you see the girls doing? Playing cooperatively in groups. Boys also organize themselves into hierarchical groups more than girls do. There is always a designated leader and the rest are left to jockey for 2nd and 3 rd positions by acting tough and aggressive. When girls want to seek social justice on the playground they will act out by employing indirect aggression. For example a study by child psychologists Jessica Giles and Gail Heyman revealed when girls want to be mean to a boy “telling” was the modal response. This is a social action of retributive justice and a form of indirect aggression. Boys will demonstrate more direct aggression by attempting to physically hurt others. Girls employ what they have already learned and do well. They will use relational methods to damage the cohesion or intimacy goals of the group, especially if it is other girls! Boys are socialized to value status and seek victory. The training ground is often the playground where supervision by adults is not as intense as in the classroom. They are freer to express and test out the norms of dealing with conflict. From the playground to the workplace we see this scene played out.

*This will be a 3 Part Series (May,June and July newsletters) that will address how men and women handle conflict.

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