March 2007 Newsletter
Audrey Nelson Ph.D, Inc

Smart Talk

It’s What You Don’t Say: The Critical Element in Building Rapport

I have just picked up the latest Daniel Goleman book, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships (Bantam Book, October 2006).
Both you and I know building rapport is critical in building business contacts, closing the sale, getting the job and receiving high ratings as a manager! Goleman outlines the necessary “ingredients” for building rapport. According to Goleman, the role of nonverbals is instrumental in creating rapport. Below is an outline of the necessary and critical components to this lifeline for not only business but our personal life as well. When people are in rapport, they can be more creative together and more efficient in making decisions.
Below is a summary of what it takes to build rapport according to Goleman:

  • Mutual attention. Shared attention is the first essential ingredient. Two people attend to what the other says and does.
  • Mutual empathy. Both partners experience being experienced. Be fully present.
  • Good feeling. Evoked primarily through tone of voice and facial expression. Nonverbal messages can matter more than what we say!
  • Coordination or synchrony. Lacking coordination will feel uncomfortable, with mistimed responses or awkward pauses. People fidget or freeze. Such mismatches torpedo rapport. For example, social psychologists have found again and again that the more a two people naturally make coupled moves-simultaneous, at a similar tempo, or otherwise coordinated-the greater their positive feelings.

As you read these, reflect what percentage is communicated nonverbally. Remember, it is what you don’t say that means a lot.

Other News
Mark your Calendars:
Audrey was just competitively selected to present “Go Home and Put on Some Clothes! Has Casual Friday Gone Over the Top? For the Staying Out of the Courtroom Track at the Colorado Society of Human Resource Management conference Sept
5 -7 in Keystone.

in the "Balance" section - Audrey's feature article -
He says, she says: Communication between the sexes can be difficult -
"Where in the World is Audrey?"
Monday, March 12, 2007
He Speaks, She Speaks:
What Different Things They Say

National Association of Women MBAs
12:30-1:45 pm
Fleming Law Building CU, Boulder

Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Positive Discipline
8:30 am- 4:00 pm
Boulder County Employees Only

Thursday, March 22, 2007
Colorado Human Resource Association
Diversity Focus Group

Go Home and Put on Some Clothes: When the Generations Collide at Work

11:30 – 1:00 pm
CSU Downtown Denver
410 17th Street, Suite 1400
(corner of 17th and Tremont)
Denver, 80202

RSVP: Claire Damken Brown, Ph.D., CHRA Diversity PDG Chair Damken Brown and Associates, Inc., 3

Go Home and Put on Some Clothes:
When the Generations Co
llide at Work
This program addresses the collision of dress codes between the generations. Although body art is common in college communities, twenty-somethings who adorn themselves with multiple piercing might find themselves on the wrong side of corporate dress codes. And then there are tattoos…
Guidelines, case studies, and recommendations will be provided. Here is a warm up!
The Pincushion Syndrome: Generation X and Y Express Themselves!
Body “art” doesn’t always “work.” A crucial proactive measure for all organizations is to have a specific and detailed punch list of dress code and appearance violations. Few companies have this in place. Consequently, they are often creating more problems and potentially embarrassing situations as well as driving customers and clients away! Generation X and Y have created interesting trends in appearance and they bring it to work with them. They are not pleased to hear that employees give up some First Amendment Rights when they come to work. However an employer can dictate a standard of appearance and a dress code.
Questions? Learn what policies other companies have in place and what you can do!

March 27, 28 and 29
Victors without Victims:
Managing Conflict for a Positive Outcome 27th
Please Don’t Go: Mentoring for Keeps 28th
The Art of Conscious Communication 29th

United States Forest Service
Northern Region

What People are saying about Audrey
We received great feedback from the Exploring Leadership Workshop concerning Audrey's presentations. They suggested we add more of her next year and also suggested adding some of the topics into the first session of ELW in November.

Harvey Hergett
Engineering Program Manager / Northern Region Trainee Coordinator
Northern Regional Office
Missoula, MT

"Audrey's Top 4 CD Communication Hits"