December 2007 Newsletter
Audrey Nelson Ph.D, Inc

Smart Talk

Rainy Day People

...Terry McMillan, born in Port Huron, Michigan (1951). Her novel Waiting to Exhale (1992) was one of the first novels ever published about the lives of affluent African-Americans, and it spent 38 weeks on the New York Times best-seller list. When asked why she's so successful, McMillan said, "I don't write about victims. They just bore me to death. I prefer to write about somebody who can pick themselves back up and get on with their lives."In my seminar on how to deal with difficult people, Ouch! That hurts! Dealing with Difficult People I profile 7 different difficult types we all encounter at work as well as home. It seems everyone has a victim at work. Nothing is good in their life and everything happens to them. They dislike their own children, think the boss is mean, never liked the family dog and think their job is to demanding and the list goes on. You know, the “ain’t it awful” person. They take no responsibility or accountability for their choices and believe life is not fair! They whine and complain. Everyone can have a pity party for a day or two when life throws you a curve ball. An unfair promotion, lack of recognition, a boss who plays favorites, and the list goes on. But it is the resilient folks that “pick themselves up and get on with their lives.”
Here are some tips for dealing with the victim:

  1. Do not become their coffee-drinking buddy. They want an audience for their misery.
  2. Ask them what action they are going to take for their current dilemma of the week.
  3. Challenge them not to whine about anything for a week. See how it makes them feel?
  4. Don’t show pity. They often want others to feel sorry for them (another payoff they are looking for).
  5. Don’t offer help. There is none. Anything you do will not be recognized.

Gift Ideas
So the holidays are around the corner. Treat yourself or someone else you care about to my two top picks for 2007. I am so impressed with both these books, I am revamping my “Art of Conscious Communication: A Talent for a Technical Age” and “Victors without Victims: Managing Conflict for a Positive Outcome” to incorporate the techniques and strategies presented by the respective authors.
Great gift ideas:

  • Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships
  • William Ury, The Power of Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes.

"Where in the World is Audrey?"

Did you miss Audrey at the Society of Human Resource Management Conference in Keystone last month!

December 11th

7:45 am to 9:15 am
Daniels Bldg - 101 Monroe

Victors without Victims: Managing Conflict for a Positive Outcome

Media Watch
Look for Audrey quoted in December's issue of
Men's Health
and January's issue of
Women's Health

Tune in to the
Amy Oliver Talk Show
Thursday, Nov 29th 10 am
Gender Communication
NewsTalk 1310 KFKA
Did you miss one of the
Smart Talk Columns?
Browse the archives of Audrey’s 2006-to date Smart Talk Columns on her web! Simply go to and click on “Newsletters.”
You Don't Say
You Don't Say just came out in its 6th language: Russian!
What People are saying about Audrey
Hi Audrey,

Thank you for a wonderful workshop yesterday. I look forward to signing up for your next class.

Linh Dang
Stanford Hospital and Clinics

Dear Audrey,

I really enjoyed your seminar today, and I feel like the information you provided has given me perspective on how to manage some tough job and life issues I'm working on right now. I think the situation I'm trying to get a handle on is terribly complex and won't be solved quickly or easily, but I do have some new ideas to bring to the table. Thank you!

Thanks again,
Cathy Bellem
Grassroots Neighborhood Development, LLC
2942 Welton Street
Denver, Colorado 80205

"Audrey's Top 4 CD Communication Hits"