The Three Golden Rules for Dealing with Difficult People
I am upset I count to ten. When I am very upset, I count to one
of the most challenging communication encounters is dealing with
difficult people. It is hard work on our part and requires exceptional
emotional control. If you are like many of the people who have
attended my training programs, it feels like we have no options
or choices when we face the office bully at the water cooler.
This thought pattern could begin a spiral down, out of control
fall into victim hood. Remember you always have choices when encountering
difficult people. I am going to present some “Golden
Rules” to keep in mind when dealing with difficult
people that will empower you.
Golden Rule #1:
Beware of the Buster Phenomena.
...Buster is my Jack Russell Terrier.
He has no cortex (unlike us humans) and, unfortunately, does not
have the ability to reason. Consequently, when he sees a squirrel
across the street he will run in the path of a car to chase it.
Buster is a stimulus-response kind of guy.
In contrast, we have the ability to reason and can exercise control
over our reactions. There are moments when all of us have felt
like reaching across that conference table and shaking someone
for their rude and inappropriate comments. We have a choice of
how we can respond. Often difficult people count on and hope for
you to be like Buster. They want you to be a hot reactor. They
hope you will throw yourself in front of the oncoming car to get
to that squirrel. ...That is often
the payoff for difficult people. They want to see you out of control.
If you provide the payoff, they will be back tomorrow. You have
become an easy target. Here are other choices instead of a reaction:
silence, take a break, listening, take a deep breath or silently
counting. These techniques can put you back in control. Remember
...Difficult people are like menu
items that have a hot pepper sign next to it. It is a warning
that you could get burned. The above techniques can serve as an
antacid. Neutralize, neutralize, neutralize.
*the other 2 Golden Rules will appear
in Oct and Nov newsletters.
to the Public
Sept 21st - 5:30 pm
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5706 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder
“You Don’t Say”
than words, it's nonverbal cues that have the power to improve-or
impair-our interactions with the opposite sex at home and in
the workplace. In fact, 90% of communication is conveyed through
unspoken behaviors-including gestures, facial expressions, eye
contact, and proximity. You Don't Say is the first book to explore
the misunderstandings that often arise between the sexes due
to nonverbal communication-and to show readers how to say what
they mean and get what they want